Saturday, November 28, 2009

BLACK FRIDAY MUSINGS


Over the years I've thought a lot about Christmas giving. Mike and I have always controlled our Christmas spending and as much as it has saddened me from time to time – perhaps when we opted not to get a child an expensive gift or not to buy a showy gift for the family exchange -- we have reaped the benefits of keeping our gift spending under control. I was touched the other day when son Clint commented that he didn't know how we had done it, and he mentioned his Gobots, Transformers, Legos, trendy shoes, clothes, etc. "That stuff is expensive now and it was expensive then," he commented. It took some planning and it did involve some deprivation, but that he doesn't remember it that way warms my heart.

Giving and receiving with grace should hold an important place in our lives. The whole process of thinking of others and putting their wants and needs before one's own (what is called magnanimity) expands heart, mind, and soul. Unselfishness is healthy. Remember the Grinch! So – what's the problem with holiday giving? Some problems that come to me are the money spent, the value involved, keeping gifts equal, providing gifts for family members we don't really know, feeling obligated to do more than we can really afford, the appallingly high cost of shipping. On the other side – receiving – the problem might be getting things we neither want nor need while being properly appreciative to the giver, or perhaps knowing that the giver couldn't afford the gift.

Does a good gift really need to be expensive? Aren't there things we all need and can use without spending beyond our budgets to provide them? Is the sole purpose of a gift to satisfy the recipient's fondest wish? Do we have to tolerate the expectation that a good gift must have a certain monetary value? Can we adopt a simpler idea of giving?

Let's look back to the Depression Days and see how Ina managed her holiday spending. Never mind that you don't know all the people on her list. They're her children and grandchildren. Just note the simplicity of the gift and her justifications. This entry was written in December 1932.

"I'm putting a pound of Climax [chewing tobacco] on [the tree] for Dad. He doesn't know I got an extra pound. It is for fun but I know he'll be glad to see it coming. I got a pair of leather-faced gloves for him, too, and for Shirley a pair of brushed wool gloves which she needs for going out these winter nights. Well, I also got her a box of pretty stationery – also a necessity. Then I've got her going on a surprise which is a pretty print apron. She'll never think of it for it was left over from the stuff I made Pearl's quilt top with.

"We sent Stan a premium fountain pen Dad got last year – think it will do him good service – and a pretty quilt top, all the material on hand. Aunt put in a pair of embroidered pillowcases and Ken's old toy typewriter. I have dried rose petals two summers so had plenty for three rather small cushions one each to Ethel, Myrtle, and Irl and Bernice. We sent Shirley Jean a cute little print apron and hankie in pocket and Shirley put in a little cup and saucer from her old tin things. Shirley Jean has always been crazy over them. Shirley also put in a book cover for Myrtle as she had hinted at wanting another. Irl and Bernice get a jar of fancy strawberry preserves. They failed to get any put up last year and Irl was so disappointed.

"Well, you see, our Xmas has cost next to nothing for what we bought was necessary anyway, but we've had a big time this hard times Xmas. Everything looks different when you look at it from Robinson Crusoe's standpoint, surrounded by a sea of depression, and things show up at a more real value. We appreciate the actual values of things. So we're going to have a very merry Xmas."

[This photo of my grandparents, Ina and Jack Dobson, with grandchildren Shirley Jean and Stanley was taken in 1926. Dick, their dog, makes a rare appearance in this photo. He seems to have a good opinion of his master.] KW

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