BRIDAL REGISTRY

China – silver – crystal – so many choices. When I married in 1975, I already had a service for twelve in the Lennox Rutledge pattern that had been my maternal grandmother's. My parents saw to it we also had "twelves" in a new set of crystal – goblets, sherbets, plates, and a pitcher. I was ambivalent about all of it, appreciating its beauty but also wondering about the future in a world that seemed to be growing more and more casual. The Lennox was a dubious blessing. Manufactured in the 1940s, it is not dishwasher-safe. And then there's the question of sentimentality. Was I really going to have dinner parties, serve small children on heirloom china, set a formal table for holiday dinners or even fix a romantic dinner for two? My parents assured me the day would come when I would draw on these things as important resources. None of that happened – and isn't going to.

As we were about to move from the "big house" in 2004, I read an article in The Christian Science Monitor titled, "A Tempest Brews in Heirloom Teacups," written by columnist Marilyn Gardner. (Here's the link if you'd like to read it for yourself -- . http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0414/p13s01-cogn.htm.) The article sets forth that the younger generation is saying no to grandma's china, stemware, and other heirlooms treasured by previous generations, that antique dealers have more of these items than they can sell, and that even for traditionalists (and I consider myself a traditionalist), tastes change. These were ideas that were timely for me because I had to pack up boxes and boxes of china, crystal, heirloom breakables and move them into storage until they could be moved to their next home. I was confused – these things honestly felt like a huge burden. I had to take them with me. Even so, I couldn't – and still wouldn't – part with them.

Once we were settled after the big move, I actually served supper on the Lennox, dutifully washing, drying, and carefully setting it back on the shelf. I honestly believe it should be used, that it's good for it to be handled, but it seemed kinda silly – two tired people, sometimes wearing pajamas, eating off the "good china" and then taking the time to wash the dishes. I suggested to daughter Hallie that she take some of it. After all, I will never serve twelve people at one time. She just looked at me, probably because she lives in 615 square feet – or something like that. And ironically, as many dishes as we had at our disposal, we were at the point of needing some good serviceable, everyday tableware. Again, the choices seemed endless, but I finally selected a few pieces in a very basic white pottery. I also came to see that I didn't have to buy eight or twelve place settings -- that I could vary my table by purchasing just two plates in any pattern I desired – any pattern at all. And you know, having given myself permission, I never have.

[Stepson Murray and I are looking over the gifts at my wedding, May 23, 1975.] KW