FUNERALS

Members of Milo Warnock's family at his interment, May 25

When I was a child, my mother didn’t take me to funerals. She believed that a child should not be exposed to death and grief. Several grandmothers passed, but Mother sent me to school as usual rather than take me to the funeral. I hated to miss school so was fine with her decision.

But my sister Harriet had a different outlook. She took her young children to funerals. When Mother questioned her about this, Harriet said that children should go to funerals so that they learn what they are and how to comport themselves. This made sense to Mother, but I was already in high school and still hadn’t attended a funeral. Fortunately, when I did, it wasn’t a problem for me. I comported myself in a solemn manner like everyone else.

Back in the day of my youth, cremation hardly ever took place – at least, not in my world. When someone passed, it was imperative that the funeral take place within a few days. Working with the funeral home, survivors had to act fast, and if the death was sudden, it was a challenge. The casket was most usually present at the service, and you could opt to have it open or closed. Hopefully, you had six or eight able-bodied friends or family members to serve as pallbearers and carry the casket, and it was considered an honor to serve in this way. Contacting the pallbearers was yet another layer of responsibility that fell to the family.

Back in the day, funerals were all alike. Only the names and faces changed, as we say. The service was most usually held at the funeral home or possibly at a church. For their privacy, the family was sequestered in an alcove so that they could grieve privately. Someone sang a hymn or two and a minister sermonized. I had heard of eulogies, but I thought they were for the rich and famous. The congregants usually weren’t invited to share memories or words of comfort.

These “cookie-cutter” affairs are a thing of the past. It seems to me the first hint of change was that people began to object to the skyrocketing costs of funeral home services. As we know, today families and friends take care of the remains appropriately and then schedule a “celebration of life” when it’s convenient, giving them time to plan a program in keeping with the deceased’s personality and/or the needs of the hour. Attendees might be invited to share memories. The family is front and center, and everyone can laugh as well as cry.

And sometimes, families just opt not to have any service at all, and that’s fine, too. Mother disapproved, though. She felt that the deceased’s loved ones must gather to comfort one another. “Who’s to say who comforts whom in a family,” she said. She believed we must get through that first gathering without the one who has passed on.

Our family gathered over Memorial Day weekend to place son Milo’s ashes at the Gilbert Cemetery south of Orofino. We held a celebration of life for him in Boise on January 13. We remember a goodhearted person who was treated unfairly in the system and paid the ultimate price. KW

A BITTERSWEET WEEKEND

Family and a few friends will join Mike and me this weekend as we bury Milo’s ashes at the Gilbert Cemetery. This is an old cemetery that seldom sees a burial these days. Twenty-two members of my dad’s family are buried there and now Milo, too. Mike and I bought a plot a couple of years ago, little thinking that Milo would occupy it first. (Yes, up to six individual ashes can be buried in one plot.)

On the plus side, it will be good to have the Warnocks together – our children and grandchildren (ranging in age from 2 to 29), as well as Mike’s sister Carol, his only sibling, and her husband. Life is for the living. It can’t be otherwise.

Meanwhile, Mike and I have been here at the farm, whipping the house and grounds into shape, planning and preparing meals.

On a recent morning, sitting here at the diningroom window, I looked out to see a coyote between the barn and the pond. It was strange to see one so close as they generally keep their distance. The coyote stealthily hunted around the pond for a while, and as it came back around to the barn, Bess spied it from her perch on the porch and took chase – not far, though. She just gave it a piece of her mind and marched back to the porch. That was a good thing! But – as friend Chris has pointed out, the coyote is our friend when it comes to rodent control.

The new Whirlpool washing machine sounds fairly obnoxious. It makes an electronic sound rather than a sloshing water sound as it runs. Mike was startled and wanted to report it to the dealer, but before he called, I checked online and found a YouTube video of a running washing machine (here).

The photos here were taken ten days ago when we identified serviceberry trees in bloom behind the house. KW

NO NORTHERN LIGHTS FOR US

 

Today at the Gilbert (Idaho) Cemetery

“Look at the lights. I see ‘em,” said little Silas during the Christmas season as he rode around with his parents. “I see them, too,” answered his mother.

But when it came to the recent northern lights display, it was totally lost on Mike and me. No, we didn’t see ‘em. Friends raved about the beautifully colored flickering lights, showing us spectacular photos on their phones, but we didn’t see a thing – at least, nothing that spectacular.

The original family at the farm – my grandparents and their brood – were students of the night sky. And I remember my dad pulling on a jacket and going outside before bedtime if he thought he might see northern lights. Viewing was not always successful from our valley home.

Well, seeing the northern lights was not to be for Mike and me, even though we were here at the farm where one might expect to see them. Or – maybe not. Maybe we should have driven out of this hole. I’d have to think about that. I like my sleep.

Research indicates that these geomagnetic storms will continue, peaking in July 2025. Onward to the next one, armed with better info.

It was 90 yesterday afternoon in town. Today it’s 50 here at the farm and windy. There’s talk of a fire in the fireplace tonight. It looks like this cold spell could continue through the end of the month.

“Not before Mother’s Day” is the age-old advice for planting your vegetable garden, and even that’s probably too soon for gardens at elevation, but I planted the day before Mother’s Day even so. I had no choice. My plant starts were getting leggy. And they were fine this past week, but I don’t know about now. Lows will be in the 30s the next four days, says the weatherman. Well, there’s always that “Plan B” – buy replacements. KW

WARNOCK FAMILY FILES NOTICE TO SUE

Here's the link to the news story presented by Morgan Romero of KTVB 7, Boise, regarding the tort claim:

https://www.ktvb.com/video/news/local/deceased-inmates-family-files-wrongful-death-lawsuit-against-state/277-2f17d030-8c20-46bf-8798-5f6098728592

The lawsuit is for the benefit of Milo's heir, Mason Warnock, who is disabled and greatly impacted by the loss of his father. Mason lives in a group home but he and Milo were planning to get an apartment together when Milo was released from prison. They had other plans as well. "I just want Mason to have a good life," Milo said.

Additionally, the purpose of our seeking legal action is to bring to light the issues at the Idaho Department of Correction and encourage prison reform. KW

COUNTRY TIME

One of the perks of having a county commissioner’s son establish a home near us is an improved road. Honestly, it has been horrible for years with deeply eroded ditches on either side, but suddenly the county is working on it and just in time for our reunion.

So yes, we’re here at the farm, and I’m taking a break from my chores to write this brief post.

We came yesterday, and not only was the county grading the road but the farmer came in to spray the fields. I took a lot of pictures. They are also planting the neighbor’s field to the north beyond the gulley. Great to see all this interesting activity. More often than not, we miss it.

Mike is working so hard (manual labor) while I sit to write this post, so I’d better close for now. I’ll write a yard report another day. But – as a final note, I’ll just add that I hung a feeder and a hummingbird showed up within half an hour! I must hang the other feeder now. KW

SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO DIE

According to a news article, the Idaho legislature has approved $25 million for a 26-bed secure mental health facility for those determined to be dangerously mentally ill by the courts and for inmates in need of acute behavioral intervention.

Great! We must applaud this long-awaited allocation of funds, and other positive steps are being taken as well, but please forgive me if I don’t stand up and cheer. “Wait until people die before taking any action” seems to be Idaho’s standard operating procedure, suggested an opinion piece from the Idaho Statesman (Boise) in December 2023. Our son Milo became that someone.

In an excessively heartless move, Milo was placed in a maximum-security cell with a dangerously mentally ill, much younger person. Who thought this was a good idea? “It would be ALL BAD if we fought because I would probably lose,” Milo wrote to me on Nov. 4. On Dec. 10, after 90 days of sharing that little cell, that cellie murdered him. There was no fight.

Yes, we need a secure facility for the dangerously mentally ill, but the system is lacking in so many ways. KW

THE QUILTERS’ CHRISTMAS BOX

The advent box is now used for holiday storage.

Last year (2023), I bought into an advent program sold by a quilting company – a pretty box of gifts for the quilter, numbered one to 25, a gift to be opened every December day until Christmas.

I love the advent countdown, and even though I just dabble in quilting, I reasoned that I would enjoy the “gifts,” so I splurged and paid the price – $185. After all, I don’t ask for much in the way of anything at all. And, for that matter, Mike and I have given up trying to please one another with gifts. So YEAH!! I wanted that advent box, and I ordered it.

A rather large box filled with the wrapped “gifts” arrived a month early and sat in the living room waiting for December 1. I was obedient to the plan. I admit that I peeked inside the box, but I didn’t begin to open the gifts until Dec. 1.

As a part of the program, participants could join a Facebook group and watch as our provider opened and explained each daily gift. For instance, Day 1 was a project to make an “ugly sweater” wall hanging and included a pack of 5” fabric charm squares and a cute little sweater template. However, weighed against my current plan of action – “I can, but do I want to” – I quickly decided that I didn’t want to make an ugly sweater wall hanging. I love to make sweaters for dolls (I refuse to call them ugly), but this wall hanging just wasn’t my thing. Furthermore, I prefer to select my own projects and do quite well on my own, thank you!

The general plan seemed to be that we would actually hop to and make this project (or any other project included in the box), and I was amazed when in the next day or so, these quilting gals were showing their finished products. Didn’t they have other things to do, like decorating the tree, baking holiday goodies, finishing gifts, wrapping packages – or even those mundane tasks, such as dusting, fixing meals, or walking the dog? How did they make those wall hangings so quickly? Hmmmm. You don’t suppose they opened the gifts early in order to get a head start, do you? I wouldn’t put it past them!

And another thing. You’d have thought from the Facebook comments that these were personal gifts from the seller, who is clearly revered by many. Make a critical comment and the group might pounce on you – and believe me! They did! They were even critical of each other’s creative efforts! Further squabbling ensued when the program concluded and participants started offering to sell or trade the “gifts” they didn’t want.

As far as I was concerned, the best thing about the program was the box itself and the unique wrapping paper and sacks. To be fair, it cost something to put all this together and still make a profit.

Well, I was underwhelmed with the whole project. You know, I could spend $200 on something I really want and have better value for the money.

I wonder what I want. KW

SUDDENLY MAY!

Time is marching right along. It always does. But this morning I felt panic rising. We have family coming for Memorial Day, and I have things I wanted to accomplish before the date. Well, I had to give myself a good talking to. Most of those things don’t matter anyway, and I don’t need to pressure myself. Gramma Kathy does not like pressure!

On Saturday, May 25, we will hold a brief graveside service in Milo’s honor at the Gilbert Cemetery. This is Memorial Day weekend, which makes it possible for our children and their families to be with us on this solemn occasion.

Meanwhile, housework and yardwork beckon, but it’s still too cold to think of planting the garden, especially at the farm. It came close to freezing here in town the other day. But – gardeners are definitely thinking about planting, and I’ve heard Grandma’s advice to wait until after Mother’s Day more than once this year. I have started vegetable seedlings in my kitchen window, and they aren’t doing much. I suspect they’re cold. I don’t know if they will last until time to plant – perhaps another three weeks. I should probably repot them.

I’ve made a nice start on the pansy afghan. Making the effort to work more tightly is hard on my hands, but I am determined to add at least one full row every day until it’s finished. If I put it away (and I’ll be tempted to do so when it’s hot) I will lose momentum, but you know how it is. Making blankets is a cold-weather activity. Still, it has taken me weeks to get the gauge and learn the pattern. Picking it up again after a recess would be difficult.

Mike tells me we’re going to the transfer station this afternoon. We have a lot of yard waste generated by his weeding, and he has used motor oil to dispose of. He has also been cleaning his shop, working on bicycles, and weeding. KW